The Souls Gold
I crested into the territory of mid-life in January of this year.
Honoring the completion of my 45th solar cycle, I invited a small group of beloveds to hold ritual space for me while I went out into the woods for a retreat and a medicine journey.
I went with the question, roughly hewn, of how best to embody my essence in the most life-affirming way possible as I move into the second half of the life as the me that I am now.
I got deep teachings in that time in the arms of the wild and the mystery, many of them gorgeous and joyful to behold, many of them painful and difficult to receive.
Along with an immersion in all the ways I have been blessed to walk through a phenomenally beautiful journey as this me, I got a confronting and compassionate reflection on all the ways I have withheld myself from Life.
All of the ways I have avoided embodying my essence, rejected love, rejected support, and more.
All the ways I have said "No" to my own beauty and to Life for all the thousand different reasons I did that.
It was so painful to see, to feel, to remember all the times I was handed something beautiful and didn't feel worthy to receive it, so didn't let it in.
And it was so beautiful to see, to feel, and to know that Life still loves me, my beauty still lives here, and not only have the gifts still been given, they shall continue to be given, no matter what happens.
The Souls Gold has still found its way, in a million different ways, into the dreamtime of the mystery, the body of the world, the waiting arms of my allies, ancestors, and beloveds, and the lives of the thousands of people I have loved, sung for, tattooed, taught, counseled, mentored, walked with, danced with, lived with, and woven with in all the ways that I have.
And that I shall continue to be and give this magic that I am for as long as I'm here.
So let me share this with you, my friend, and please remember it whenever you are struggling or in doubt (and please reach out if you need help remembering):
No matter "what time it is" in your life, if you are still here, you are still here.
There is still time, space, and welcome for the unique and miraculous beauty that only you can bring to the world.
There is still and always a power pulsing outward from the interface of your temporal body and the mystery that sparks the beat of your heart that is a nourishment for a world in crisis at a pivotal moment in our collective evolution as a species and as a planet.
If you have wandered away from your Souls Gold, that thing that only you can bring to and be in this world, turn back towards that.
Root down into that.
Be guided by that.
And in whatever way you can, anywhere you can, no matter what it takes, and with the blessings of all of your allies soaked through the whole of your energy body, go forth and do your thing.
Be the miracle that you are.
Give what only you can give.
And know that it is welcomed, needed, and loved by Life and eternity.
I love you, you wild, holy miracle.
Thank you for being here.