Blessed day, beloved...
Big story time.... Settle in for this one: Gonna share some medicine with you today. Or you could deprive yourself of the story yum and skip to the end for awesome offerings and invitations. You choose.
The tale.....
"The year of grieving is done."
That phrase came into my consciousness more clearly than any bell could ring as I laid down the prayers to honor the year anniversary of the death of the love bond I had shared with a beautiful man who I still care for very deeply even though we will probably never see each other in this life again on purpose.
I had felt that anniversary coming for weeks, which was remarkable enough given my disconnection from calendar time and dates. It was the one-year anniversary of the parting that led to my true awakening into love. A night and a morning that fundamentally altered the course of not only my life, but my souls arc of evolution, and the codes of my lineage.
These are not things I say lightly or to gain from them: these are words I speak because I have lived all the way into their tones and am now made of this story, this story of what's possible when we are willing to meet the mystery without reservation in the deepest moments of possibility in our lives.
The moon was waxing that night, bright in a clear sky and close to full, and I was with the river, the moons light glinting in her ripples. Grieving, singing, dancing, honoring: it was a moment of completing the prayer, the initiatory process that had been catalyzed by that parting, when I heard that phrase and something, how can I say, dispersed out of my energy field, something in which I had been bound for that entire year.
My breath deepened. My body softened. My heart relaxed.
I packed my basket, went home, and made art all through the night in a vigil of creativity.
The next morning I took a bundle of beauty back to the river to spend the day with the sun living into prayers for the devastating and exquisite awakening that happened the morning after that parting. A Tower moment. A big story pf it's own that I won't recount here: suffice it to say it has been the task of this year to surrender to, nurture, cultivate, follow, show up for, and apprentice myself to this awakening without reservation, in full participation and empowered humility as it has healed lifetimes of distortion in myself and my lineage and transformed the way that I live in this life and will live in all the lives yet to come.
Big Magic.
I spent that day honoring, feeling, listening, integrating, recalling every step of the journey from the beginning of my life in the womb to that very moment on the beach of that tiny island that only shows when the tide is low. I wrote in the sand, I sang and danced and laughed, I laid quietly in the suns light soaking in the blessings of creation, feeling the keen and delighted witness of life in my whole body. The affirmation. The peace.
Then the tide started to come up.
So I took the bundle of beauty and offered it all into the water (don't sweat, it's all organic ;)) in a dance of joy and gratitude and watching the water claim my prayers etched into the sand all everything of the offering before quietly, gratefully packing my basket again and leaving with a lightness in my heart that I savor as fully as the most perfectly ripe peaches of summer.
There's a choice point in moments of magnitude, especially awful ones (and that parting/awakening was certainly excruciatingly painful for a very long time): will we be initiated by the experience, or just traumatized?I could have been traumatized by it, and to a certain extent, I am. It will show up especially clearly when another man comes into my romantic field. But I chose, in that moment of devastation, loss and pain, to be initiated by it.
I chose to lean in, open up, and give myself to the movement of the mystery with a devotion to embodying the beautiful truth of my Soul more fully than before. And it took many, many moons, and so much devastating honesty to get there.
Which is one of the most perfectly awesome investments of energy I have ever made.
This past years deep work has brought to fulfillment an 18-year long journey of metamorphosis, a tuning of my souls compass from what it was to what it is now, which is Love lived as Beauty in service to the awakening, liberation, and healing of the beautiful world of which we are each and all a part. And it happened because I kept choosing initiation every step of the way (which was not without its profoundly messy backslides, no doubt).
Initiation and metamorphosis are never assured: they are something that we choose by moving into the moments of magnitude with open eyes, open spirit, open soul, ready to be transformed into something more beautiful, powerful, and life giving than what we already are.And it matters.Beloved holy God and Goddess, it matters.
In traditional societies, they did it on purpose because they knew that it matters, and they knew that only initiated people can carry the collective heart with the dignity, sensitivity, strength, and love that is required for that heart to flourish as it roughs its way through the storms of being human.
In our society, those ways have been assiduously eradicated because initiation creates sovereigns, and sovereigns aren't good for business-as-usual. But The Old Powers will deliver those moments of magnitude, those opportunities to choose it, into our laps many times throughout the course of our lives. So when those moments come your way, those moments of magnitude that you think you will never make it through, that are so brutally painful and terrifying, remember that you are in an opportunity to refine yourself into a greater order of magnitude as a being, which is a service you render to the collective, even if no one ever knows about it but you.
Ask yourself "what is being asked of my right now?". Ask yourself "what is the path of love here?". "What is the path of power here?". "What greater and deeper capacity within me is being called upon that can meet this in a life-giving way?"And step towards the opportunity with empowered humility.
In this way, you become the medicine that is needed in a world quietly enduring societies deranged distortions and depraved brutalities while it endeavors to nurture the beautiful awakening that's happening quietly beneath all the noise.
You become an offering.
You change the arc of your souls evolutionary trajectory, and probably heal your lineage too.
It matters.
I affirm you in it. And I bless your path. You choosing initiation improves the chances for everyone and everything that we will evolve into beauty as a collective and nurture a world of peace and joy for Life.
Thank you for reading my story and witnessing the journey: it's been an amazing unfolding and I am so grateful for the fullness of it all.
All the love...
Maitreya
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